Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Another Christmas

Well, another Christmas has come and gone. It is actually still the Christmas season, since yesterday was only the start of the 12 days of Christmas. In standard form, we put up our tree just a few days before Christmas, and Sue decorated it Christmas Eve (during the day). Sue's Mom was here to visit, and left on the 26th. Having her here created the only stress of the holiday.

Connie has always been a highly opinionated person, never afraid to speak what is on her mind. This visit was no exception. While most of the visit was nice, she had some blood sugar issues, mixed with some bull-headed behavior. When her blood sugar dropped quite a bit (the first time), she and Sue got into the first real argument in years. It was not until later that Sue realized that she was talking to a sugar-deprived person, who is very much like a drunk in action. Irrational in thought, with slurred speech to boot. A discussion with my sister later in the day gave Sue better ammunition for fighting the physical side of low blood sugar for the rest of the trip.

In any case, I was very proud of my wife for standing up to her mother. The fact that Sue is approaching 50 means that she doesn't have to put up with anyone telling her that she is a bad mother or that she has made bad choices. The fact that we've been together for 20+ years and that we have two wonderful children (who, granted, have their own problems), is proof enough that she has led a wonderfully fulfilling life, at least thus far. Having her own mother see her as a failure is not something that I will ever put up with. I'll simply separate her from that irritant to the degree possible. Sue is more wonderful than her mother will ever know - which, ironically, means that kudos need to go to her mother for allowing the base of her child to be so strong.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Birthdays

There have been two birthdays lately. The first was my mother's 70th birthday. There was a huge party thrown on her behalf with lots of friends and all pseudo-east coast family present. Four of her five children and all of their children were present. God knows my mother deserved it. She put up with more crap from my father than we will ever know, including practically raising five kids by herself. After 29 years of marriage, they split. It had something to do with the fact that they argued all of the time and that he was genuinely unhappy so went and found himself an unattached woman with little besides herself to take care of (a few cats but they can go days at a time without being seen by any human). He probably should have waited until they were divorced before starting to see her, but like most males was thinking with a part of himself somewhat south of his brain, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I was not ever unhappy about their divorce since it was the best thing for both of them. 29 years is a long time to put up with a mostly unhappy situation. Since I was already out of the house by then (in an off-campus apartment at college), the only thing that affected me was that I have very few momentos from my childhood (where can you store stuff in a tiny college apartment that you share with 3 other guys?). So, my memories of my childhood are only in my brain. Over time, those memories have faded. Lately, I seem to remember less and less about the details of my childhood, just a high level summary of the events. I'm hoping that it is not due to the fact that there are not too many bad details. Of course, I'll never know.

In the first sentence of this post I mentioned two birthdays. The other one is mine, which is today. I hate the fact that I am sitting in a hotel room in Hotlanta and not with my family, but I'll be home late tonight. Later today, after sitting through an all-day meeting then partaking in the highly congested traffic of Atlanta (as I attempt to not make wrong turns on the way to the airport), I will meet my mother-in-law at the gate for the return trip. She happens to be heading to our house today, so I got her on the same flight back north. She is a really wonderful lady and quite active for being almost 84. I think we both get on each other's nerves after a few days (we're both set in our ways, I suppose), but I'll be working so it won't be bad at all. We actually got along really well on our trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming this summer. She paid for the entire trip for all of us, which was unbelievably generous of her. I know she enjoyed herself immensely, but so did Sue and I. It was the first time I really forgot about work in many years.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Self-inflicted pain

On Saturday, I ran another 10K. I put this specific 10K out there as a goal for myself to push myself on the treadmill daily at the gym. It has been more difficult lately to keep myself running so I find myself walking seemingly more each day and running less. However, in January of last year I came to the conclusion that I was getting old and fat. Only one of them is in my control while still alive. So, Sue and I joined the gym and I started on the quest of bettering my 10K times with each entry.

Two years ago, my Monument Avenue 10K time was about 1:21. This April, I was down to 1:14 with a seven minute improvement. If you are a runner, please don't laugh at these times.

The race on Saturday was very different. It was not the Monument Ave. 10K, lined with people along the entire route. It was not the Monument Ave. 10K where there were timers set up every mile so you could determine how fast you were going (or how slow). This was not the Monument Avenue 10K where you saw people you knew every few yards since there were almost 25,000 people participating (that's 2.5 people per meter). This was a very different race.

In April, the 10K was run at 80+ degrees (it hit 90 by the end). Saturday, the temperature started in the upper 30s, and was in the lower 50s by race end. I was there by myself, having driven myself there and with no expectations of seeing anyone I knew. There were less than 500 registered runners, and a handful of walkers. There was no crowd lining every inch of the course. There were no clocks showing your time every mile. It was very different.

So, while I did see a handful of people I knew (Richmond is a very small city), this was a race for me. Could I do better than I did in April? How much would I need to walk? Until the end, I had absolutely no idea how I did, since the only clock was at the end. As with most races, I also had a timer chip on my shoe so could get an official time from start to finish. As I made the final turn (mostly walking by then), I was very surprised to find that I was indeed doing better than I did in April. I bettered by time by over six full minutes, taking a new personal best of just under 1:08. While this is ridiculously slow for a runner, it's not bad for a 45-year old who did nothing athletic for about 20 years. The work at the gym is worth it and I'm looking forward to hitting a new personal best time in the next Monument Ave. 10K.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Old friends continued…

Cindy was a friend of a friend, with an introduction coming sometime after I took a long drive. I remember that because I went to our mutual friend’s house and remember thinking that this was one of the furthest trips I had taken with just friends – no parents involved. The friend and I knew each other well, but later grew apart. Cindy and I were instant friends & more – the attraction was very quick to develop since the trip was short. We started to call and write each other as this was in the day before email, IM, and Skype. We only saw each other a few times each year, but I spent many hours thinking about her. Okay, so why the discussion about Cindy? Well, it’s Trish’s fault…

There is a song by Trish Yearwood called The Song Remembers When. It is so accurate with my memories of Cindy.

There are a couple of songs by Fleetwood Mac that bring back instant memories of her and our time together. She and I sitting and holding each other on her basement couch, doing thing that adolescents do, getting closer by the hour. I am sitting here smiling as I write this, thinking nothing but pleasant thoughts about those times.

Cindy is an only child – at least from what I remember. Her dad was a mailman – and actually treated me with respect. He knew that Cindy was happy with me, and that was really all that he cared about. I don’t remember her mom much, but knew that it was a loving home. Many years later, I ran into someone from that small town who knew her Dad – and they related the warm kindness that I always felt in their home.

I don’t recall why we broke up, but have no bad memories from that time. I believe that it was a logistical issue – we lived an hour apart and really had to work hard to get to see each other. Oh yes, we were young, car-less and poor. It’s the sucky part about growing up.

We lost touch.

Times changed and the Internet was created by Al Gore and people-search engines were created. Cindy was located.

We’ve chatted via email a few times since then, always leaving me with a smile. I heard that she was divorced from an awful man, and is now married to a wonderful one. How someone could treat this woman poorly just amazes me. When asked if she remembered me, she said, “Yes, you’re the one that got away.”

I hope you’re happy now – God knows you deserve it!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Marybeth - final thoughts

Just when you are at your highest point, life takes an unexpected turn. I believe that it’s part of God’s plan to make sure you experience many facets of life when you are young so you can survive the real world, parenthood, and eventual old age and death.

I knew that Marybeth and I were meant to be together – I just wasn’t sure of the context. We were, first and foremost, best friends. I could tell her anything and know that I could count on her ear or her shoulder for as long as I needed it. I certainly tried to be there for her as well and believe I was on more than one occasion.

We talked at length about the two of us and where we were headed with life. Both of us made the disclosure that we were heading back to school. I was going to my previous institute of higher education; she was heading to a business school for a 2-year administrative degree. While we toyed with the idea of dating, we knew it would be completely unfair for us to expect that we would see each other while 200 miles apart and on a student’s limited financial resource plan. I believe that we both knew it was a delay to be together, not finality in destiny. She was, after all, my soul mate.

So, we both decided to date other people to be fair to each other… if it was meant to be, it would be.

When I was preparing to go back to school, I met Jane. She would single-handedly help to break the bond that MB and I had formed. Jane was a very good looking 18-year old, also a waitress in the restaurant. There was an attraction that I couldn’t explain. She was perky, was a recent high school graduate, and was heading to the same university that I was in August. It was very convenient for both of us to begin a relationship. Jane lived at home with her mother, the product of a bitter divorce. Jane was also the baby in her family, but daddy had divorced the very notion of a family, It had been years since she had talked to her father. Both Jane and her mother were very self-sufficient, but enjoyed having a man around. I became close to her mom, and enjoyed being the man in the house when I was there.

So, she and I dated throughout that summer, and then headed off to school together. Trouble began soon afterwards. Jane had dated few boys in high school, most of her time spent with a single young man. For some reason, they broke up as seniors and she was flying solo when we met. Her looks were really nice – very pretty, long, blonde hair, and a large chest. Not the kind of girl I had ever dated. I had a trophy on my arm to say the least. With Jane being a virgin, we didn’t have sex to get in the way of our relationship. However, Jane and I finally consummated the relationship because she had waited for the right person and I was it. As you can guess, it was pretty much downhill from there.

Jane was jealous of the relationship that MB and I had developed. Jane and I just didn’t have anything much in common other than the mutual attraction. It was certainly not enough to base a long term relationship on. She became very jealous of my discussion of MB, so asked (told) me that I had to stop seeing MB completely. The most stupid thing I’ve ever done was to agree. I was thinking with my groin, not my heart. I know that I broke MB’s heart when we talked about this, but heard her when she told me that I should never be with someone who asked me to do such a thing. Shortly afterwards, Jane and I broke up in a bitter fight. While we attempted reconciliation at one point, I knew I had grown beyond where she was at the time. Bittersweet memories and the start of the destruction of the relationship with my soul mate.

Marybeth never returned once she left for school. She got a job right out of school in NYC, and never looked back. She and I talked after that, but it was never the same. I asked her to be in my wedding and she agreed. It must have been very hard for her to be there – and I never gave any thought to that fact.

I talked to MB only once after that. She had tried to commit suicide, but was found by her sister. She told me that her therapist told her to break ties with her old life – the painful life. I hate to think that my immaturity with Jane’s ridiculous request may have played a part in her reaching that low point in her life, and that I didn’t find a way to reach out to her earlier. I knew that I wanted to stay in touch but respected her enough to say goodbye.

Goodbye, friend. I hope you find peace.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Marybeth, continued…

One of the biggest things in common with MB was our love for music. She was a huge fan of the same artists that I loved – mostly “album rock” artists like Yes, Pink Floyd, and Genesis. Genesis was her favorite, and quickly became mine. I was somewhat aware of their music, but had spent years listening to Yes and Pink Floyd – enjoying the diversity in their music from track to track, from album to album. She and I discussed the lyrics from various Genesis tracks, and the differences between the Peter Gabriel days and the post-Gabriel days into which they were maturing as a band. A few months later, she was able to get tickets to see Genesis at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. Her brother worked at the Spectrum and got the tickets from his boss. She and I had no idea where the seating was, but it was Genesis – so just didn’t matter.

MB drove the two hours to Philadelphia and found our way to the Spectrum parking lot. This was in early 80’s, so there was no strip search as we entered – just folks taking the ticket stubs. As we entered the arena, we found our way to our section – having to stop and ask several people along the way for directions to our section. Finally, they directed us down the stairs not once but twice. We were on the floor! Further direction showed us to our seats. We were in the 6th row – just to the right of center. 6th row, dead center for our favorite band Genesis! This was truly a dream come true!

Genesis was just phenomenal! They played for about two hours, then took a break and played for another 90 minutes. Phil Collins was simply at his best, and Mike Rutherford’s guitar (future Mike and the Mechanics leader) and Tony Banks’ keyboards were above reproach that night. There were other musicians as well, such as Chester Thompson who played drums when Phil was out front, and with him during the instrumental sections of songs and during a drum duo that made the recording of the session.

The whole package – my best friend, the anticipation, the performance – made this the single best concert I have ever seen.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Old friends

For some reason, I couldn’t sleep past about 3:30 this morning. I had a great deal of thought running around in my head, so decided to listen to music. I was listening to many different bands, from several different genres. Yes, Genesis, 3 Doors Down, and so on. I have quite the eclectic collection on my iPod shuffle. As several of the artists came on, I was reminded of many of my former friends. I say former only because I have lost touch with them. A blanket of emotions overcame me in thinking about these friends and how they each touched me. None of these take away from my life today. For the most part, I love my life today. However, that life that I love is in part to the history that brought me to today.

Marybeth, Martie, Cindy, and a few others seem to have made the deepest impressions in the tracks of my brain. The tracks of my brain – the wondering of my mind…

Marybeth
We met when working together in a restaurant; I was a manager and she, a waitress. I was struggling as a manager, as it was certainly not my life calling. It was allowing me to get around the money needed to head back to school so I could get on with my life. I was working many hours each week, working my tail off each day – enough that I didn’t have much life outside of work. Marybeth (MB) came to my restaurant when I made the “confession” that I was dating another head waitress – completely against the rules. The other waitress moved to another store in our chain so I could continue my “career” untarnished. Marybeth was a head waitress at the other location and agreed to come to our store as a “trade” so that she could get more experience in a busier location. From early on, she and I got along very well. She and I started joking around from the first day, although our shifts didn’t often match. She was the head waitress for the 3 – 11 shift, and I managed mostly the night (11 – 7 AM) shift. This, of course, meant that she was still there when I came on site. We got to know each other much better when my management skills improved and I started working second shift with her. We were quite the team. She was a very strong waitress who could always make me laugh. She had such a warm personality and a killer smile. I was falling for her in ways that I wouldn’t know for quite a while.

With the exception of spurts of business during the weekday breakfast shift, these were the busiest and the most profitable shifts for the restaurant. Sundays were particular busy and on the rare occasion that I was managing and she was head waitress, we carried off the shifts with near perfection. While I don’t remember all of the details, I do know that we had that “wow, what a day” feeling at the end of it all. Success at a full shift was rare, but always with the two of us together. Later in life, those days helped me remember that adversity can be overcome, if only in short bursts.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

It's been a while

Staind did a song named "It's been a while" - a song of recovery and appologies. This is not about that!

It's not been a while since I was at the gym - just two days. Sue and I have been very good at going 4+ days a week - 5:30 - 6:30 or so (AM, of course). We start with about 30 minutes of cardio (treadmill), then do either legs, arms, or upper body. On Thurday, we skipped the cardio and did legs and half of the arms. Both of us have been pushing hard at night, making that 5AM alarm sound so loud...

Of course, it's now Saturday and the body alarm clock went off as usual shortly after 5. Where is that body / mind snooze button?

We're hitting the gym at 8 today with both kids. Jake needs to start his stairmaster routine to get ready for the summer. I just need to do the full 35 minute routine that Gwynne has set up for me. A little walking (2 min), then 6.3 mph run for 5, a bit of walking at a steep grade, the alternating between 6.3mph run and a 4.5 walk at 4 - 5% grade. With my current weight, it's a 550 calorie routine. While I feel like crap for the first few minutes, I am able to get into the routine. I rarely speed up what I am doing, and slow it down to keep going. With the walking, I do increase the incline to boost the caloric burn.

4 weeks to go and we will be in Jackson Hole. Hiking will be much easier for us now, and I fully expect to be in the best shape of anyone of my relatives that will be there. I do know that Sue is looking forward to being in good shape for her Mom and brothers to see.

Pictures to come afterwards!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

10K recovery complete

While I am almost 100% recovered from the 10K on April 1st, my left knee just refuses to cooperate. Running on the soft, cushy treadmill was apparently not sufficient training for said knee. With a good bit of pain after running each day, I have started to ice it down. The rest of my body is doing well after the daily workouts, pain perhaps masked by the left knee. It's like the old headache fix. If you hit your fingers with a hammer, you forget all about your headache - at least for a while!

My workouts are going well. I've been at the gym 5 - 6 days a week for over 2 months now, grinding through 3+ miles daily on the treadmill and lifting weights 2 - 3 times each week. My weight loss has leveled off, so I need to change my weight lifting routine. Gwynne is going to help us today get a better plan programmed on our "smartkeys." Those keys have the routine on them, so we don't need to remember seat positions, weights, ROM or PAD settings for the various machines. Instead of working a bit on everything each 2 - 3 days, we will work on upper body one day, legs the next, and so on. More sets of 12 reps each. Supposedly it allows for a much better workout.

I'm all into a better workout - since I'm already in pain daily...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Monument Avenue 10K

The Monument Avenue 10K was held on Saturday. The weather was far warmer than it has been, so there were lots of people with hydration issues. For me, the training at the YMCA paid off. I cut 6 1/2 minutes off from last year's time (and I trained for last year), so was pleased. My time was 1:14:13 and last year was 1:20:49 (that's 6:36 faster). It was, however, punishment of my body.

As of Monday, the only thing that still bothered me was my knees. I think it was the uneven streets. They are a bit different from the nice, cushy treadmill!

Note to self: Next year train outside for a while!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Oh no - V.D.!

VD - short for Valentine's Day, of course... What were you thinking?

Okay - I've always hated Valentine's Day. It's not that I don't want to spend time with Sue, but I never ever know what to get or how much to spend. VD is a mere two weeks before our anniversary, so we have always downplayed it. This year, I was presented with an opportunity to do a nice job of being a loving husband. As previously stated, we joined the local YMCA. I always find that I do a much better job working out with music blasting in my ears - and help take the concentration away from the pain in my body. I obtained an iPOD Shuffle last year and use it whenever I work out (walk, etc.). Sue has no such device. So.... I bought her a new MP3 player and filled it with several hours of love songs. I think she was touched by the personalization (rather than just from the electronic device). She has used it daily since then, and really likes the music. As a side note, this player has an integrated FM radio that can be used to listen to the TV audio that plays as well. So, you can sit on your butt, watching TV - all the while you are cruzing on the stationary bike.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Working towards a healther lifestyle

The last Saturday in January, I finally convinced Sue to let the family join the local branch of the YMCA. It is located above the grocery store that is 1/4 mile from home, and opens at 5:30 AM Mon - Friday, and at 8:00 on Saturdays. It's closed on Sunday - so it's a mandatory day of rest (or walking outdoors). I had told her that I was going to join myself if she didn't want to spend the money for the family. I have been walking a little in the mornings, but with it getting colder and colder, that was both an invitation to injury or sleeping in. With the treadmills at the Y, I am able to work out in a conditioned environment. The same as walking outside - no, but close! The gym is crowded in the mornings, but I always have a treadmill if I get there at 5:30, and always see people I know. The one thing that I have going for me is my iPod shuffle. I have great tunes and it allows me to walk through the tough workouts. On Friday, I take a class that will show me the other equipment for weight training. For now, however, I know how to walk so the treadmill is fine. I wonder how many days you should go before taking a rest day. Well, there's always Sunday!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Newest family member

Brewster - picked up from a coworker of Sue. Lots of potential for being a great family pet...

Monday, January 02, 2006

Undertow

Genesis - Undertow

The curtains are drawn
Now the fire warms the room.
Meanwhile outside
Wind from the north-east chills the air,
It will soon be snowing out there.

And some there are
Cold, they prepare for a sleepless night.
Maybe this will be their last fight.

But we're safe in each other's embrace,
All fears go out as i look on your face -

Better think awhile
Or i may never think again.
If this were the last day of your life, my friend,
Tell me, what do you think you would do then?

Stand up to the blow that fate has struck upon you,
Make the most of all you still have coming to you, [or]
Lay down on the ground and let the tears run from you,
Crying to the grass and trees and heaven finally on your knees

Let me live again, let life come find me wanting.
Spring must strike again against the shield of winter.
Let me feel once more the arms of love surround me,
Telling me the danger's past, i need not fear the icy blast again.

Laughter, music and perfume linger here
And there, and there,
Wine flows from flask to glass and mouth,
As it soothes, confusing our doubts.

And soon we feel,
Why do a single thing to-day,
There's tomorrow sure as i'm here.

So the days they turn into years
And still no tomorrow appears.

Better think awhile
Or i may never think again.
If this were the last day of your life, my friend,
Tell me, what do you think you would do then?

Stand up to the blow that fate has struck upon you,
Make the most of all you still have coming to you, [or]
Lay down on the ground and let the tears run from you,
Crying to the grass and trees and heaven finally on your knees

Let me live again, let life come find me wanting.
Spring must strike again against the shield of winter.
Let me feel once more the arms of love surround me,
Telling me the danger's past, i need not fear the icy blast again.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

A new year

A new year wouldn't be worthy if it didn't include a reflection on the past and a discussion about the future. In that light, I want to document my desires for this new year. Some call them resolutions, I call them encouraging words. I will review them during the year to measure progress, and make mid-stream adjustments hoping to keep myself on course.

1. Look out for my wife more
My wife is the most wonderful person. I take her for granted and must stop. She is the most giving, tireless person I know, and puts all of the energy into our family - and no time into herself. Treat her more and love her more, not letting her put herself behind all others. Buy her flowers and leave work early to make dinner. Take her out on a real date occasionally. Take her to an adults only movie - or just send her by herself (or with a friend). Have her take the night off. Have her actually be ready to enjoy herself on vacation this summer.

2. Look out for my children more
Spend time with them doing what makes them happy. Go on dates. Play. Go to the movies 1 on 1 so you have a special experience to talk about later. Teach your daughter how a man should treat her. Show your son how to be a man.

3. Look out for me more
I spend little time working on me - my body, my mind, and my spirit. I've somewhat lost my personal drive in my job. Exercise and sleep more, eat and drink less. Watch more inspirational movies and less garbage sitcoms. Read two good non-technical books this year.

4. Take a vitamin every day
Easy to do, yes. Keeping myself healthy is the real goal, and I think about these things when I take the vitamins. Eat out less, eat less junk. Take your lunch to work and spend time on improving some aspect of my mind during that time.

5. Spend less time working for "the man" and more time working for myself
I spend many more hours working in my head than actually at the office, but I will check in less mentally, so I can be more productive when I'm actually there. Stop work at 5 and go home. Your family is more important than any job is. Give it a full 8 hours, but not 9 and not 10. Sleep in on vacation and weekends, then give full attention to your family.

6. Exercise more
Knees withstanding, walking several times each week keeps my head clear. It provides room for random thoughts - the title of my blog, afterall. I listen to music when I walk and find that I enjoy the solitude. Walking is free exercise that takes dedication. Every day is a challenge, but every day is a chance for success.

7. Consider leaving the safety and comfort of my current job to find one more challenging and with better pay
Remember what it is like to have a passion for my job. Stop working with slackers. Stop putting up with coworkers that think that they are good at what they do when they are not. Stop putting up with a lack of career path. Figure out how to build your own career path since it will not be built for you. If this means going back into management, so be it.

8. Listen to comfortable music more
Add selections of Genesis, Yes, Pink Floyd, and others to the walking music. Remember that this is the music that you know, and that you can work while listening to it.

9. Allow new memories to replace old ones
Remember that stuff that happens today is more important than what has happened in the past. Friends of old are not your friends today. Love the memories they bring, but build new memories that blow away the old ones in satisfaction.

10. Talk to my parents, rather than keeping it burning inside
Ignore what your parents do if you can't talk to them. Tell your mother what it is that bothers you - since you know that she just doesn't know. She loves you but doesn't have any idea how her actions make you doubt the love. Tell her that her grandchildren want to see her and know her - but that the time is rapidly slipping away. Fly your father up to see you and your children so they can see him outside of the choking experience his wife brings. Show him your wonderful, loving kids and let your son show him that you are a good father.

11. Play more
Find a hobby that has nothing to do with computers and attack it with a passion. Do something that you love. Do something that defines you. Be the best at that hobby that you can be. Share it with others - be a mentor.

12. Take care of my body
Besides what is said above, go to the doctor and your complete blood work done. You're over 45, so you need to grow up and take responsibility for your own body. Make sure that you are not a burden on your children later.